Nithya Partya!
An excursus on Nithya's balloon art installation on election night
I’m at Boomtown Brewery waiting for Nithya Raman to show up.
I didn’t volunteer at all for Nithya Raman’s campaign, but I was signed up to be alerted about Opportunities to Help. I’ve received dozens of emails and texts from Courtney from Team Nithya. Come, phone bank, knock on doors, or…I guess that’s most of the Opportunities. Anyway, I ghosted poor old Courtney from Team Nithya for months.
Then a few days ago, I got an email thanking me for my efforts and inviting me to the election night party at Boomtown Brewery.
I like Boomtown Brewery. I hosted a sortition + Georgism meetup there last month and I’m doing one this month, will you come?
My buddy, David, also likes Boomtown Brewery. David doesn’t have a girlfriend, so he’s available to hang out.
David is walking to Boomtown Brewery now. I drove to Boomtown Brewery early to avoid traffic. I’m always driving places early to avoid traffic. David rents downtown, that’s why he lives close enough to walk! His rent isn’t horrible, even though it’s LA, because his place is only a few blocks from Skid Row. If David had a girlfriend, would she want to live a few blocks from Skid Row?
The party starts in an hour or something. They’re setting up lots of balloons.
Nithya seems alright, as far as politicians go. Something about how she speaks reminds me of my very professional DC-lawyer big sister.
Nithya did come to the LA civic assemblies where I was a moderator and we made eye contact. And she came to Palisades Recovery Lab where I was a moderator and we made eye contact. And when I gave public comment to the city council urging them to consider civic assemblies in the future, Nithya and I…made eye contact.
Tonight, will we make eye contact?
Nithya is pro-housing. But does she know about the Land Value Tax?
Some people just sat down at the other end of my table. Looks like a couple! They just found out the Brewery is hosting Nithya’s election night party. The girlfriend said, “Dang it! I wanted to play trivia. Argghh.”
Me? I don’t believe in elections. I suppose I believe they exist. I guess. Would rather not though. You’ll be shocked to learn that I didn’t vote.
I heard a good one the other day, “I doubt. Therefore, I may be.”
May-be David will get a girlfriend tonight who exists. She’ll believe elections exist though. Worse, she’ll believe elections should exist. But David voted. So may-be they’ll work out.
I just heard the girlfriend say to her boyfriend, “You didn’t vote?!”
May-be David, that voting bastard, can swoop in. Where is he, anyway?
How much did all these balloons cost?
David, who wasn’t signed up to be alerted about Opportunities to Help, wasn’t on the invitation list. I asked the woman at check-in, after she gave me my blue wristband, if my buddy could get one even though he’s not on the list.
She looked at me QUIZZICALLY (idk if I’m using that word right).
“Is he with us?”
“Yeah…”
“Does he support housing?”
“Oh—Yeah.”
“Did he vote for Nithya?”
“Yep!”
She said ok.
So David got a blue wristband that allows him to go into the extra-ballooned half of Boomtown Brewery where the partya is happening.
Ok, Adam Conover, from “Adam Ruins Everything”, is speaking. I’ve never seen “Adam Ruins Everything”, sounds terrible, reminds me of me. Adam is cajoling us to make noise. I love making noise. I bet if we popped some of these balloons we could make some noise.
Energy is low. Numbers on the internet are not in Nithya’s favor.
Adam is done speaking. People go out into the alley and David and I scoot down in front.
Courney is speaking! Remember Courtney from Team Nithya? She’s the woman who texted and emailed me about Opportunities to Help. Nice to put a face with the name. Wonder if shes’ single. For David’s sake.
Nithya’s dad speaks now. He makes a few jokes that land and a few that bomb. I like the bombs.
He said he had wanted Nithya to be a doctor, lawyer, accountant, or software engineer, like all Indian dads want for their daughters. But Nithya was intent on being a good person, or something. That was kinda a joke, one that bombed, I liked it.
Nithya!
Nithya is crying. She’s talking about all our efforts and what we’ve done. In the past tense. The numbers on the internet look bad.
Looks like Angelenos will be stuck between old Karen Bass and old Spencer Pratt come November. Hoo boy!
I look at David and blame him for this. David didn’t volunteer at all, the bastard. And where did Courtney from Team Nithya go? Conveniently nowhere to be seen, at the moment. How much was she paid?
NITHYA, PLEASE MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ME!
Through the last of her tears, Nithya says, “Ok, now, guys, if you don’t make this a real party, I’’m going to—” Nithya paused, she had picked a bad sentence template, how could she finish her threat? But she recovered—“I’m going to come out there on this dance floor and show you!”
That’s our Nithya!
And she left the stage.
Most people started exiting.
David thinks maybe the late votes will turn things around. I say yeah right.
Wonder who’s getting paid to pop all those balloons. How much did all these balloons cost? How many volunteers actually volunteered? Why was Nithya crying?
What the fuck are campaigns? How much did Nithya’s graphic designer get paid? Who came up with the slogan, “A city that works”, and what were they paid? Why doesn’t the city work? Why do I need a mayor who is pro-housing? How did housing become so expensive? Why am I supposed to knock on doors and make phone calls for free?
Where is Spencer Pratt’s party tonight? How much did his graphic designer get paid? Who came up with the slogan, “A new golden age for Los Angeles”, and what were they paid? Why aren’t we in a golden age? How many balloons does Spencer Pratt have at his party?
Where is Karen Bass’s party tonight? How much did her graphic designer get paid? Who came up with, “Forward is where we're going, together is how we'll get there”, and what were they paid? Who suggested we don’t go forward? How many balloons does Karen Bass have at her party?
Here’s my slogan, free, just for you:
“POLITICAL PARTIES ARE THE WORST PARTIES.”
David was right, though. All those late votes went Nithya’s way and she’s moving on to the final showdown in November.
Hope they saved some balloons.
Now I’m writing this blog.
Courtney from Team Nithya just emailed me.
I love balloons.
